Increasing Attunement in Psychotherapy: Building Deeper Connections for Healing
What is attunement and why is it important?
Attunement is about being fully present and responsive. Being emotionally and psychologically all there.
We can’t discuss attunement without giving credit to Dan Siegel, Heinz Kohut, or Mary Ainsworth. They’ve paved the way for us to better understand why this is an essential skill in psychotherapy.
Let’s work backward:
You know when someone isn’t attuned to you. You’re having a one-way conversation and they’re looking at their phone and being barely responsive. A nonversation, if you will. Of course, this is a drastic example and hopefully none of the therapists reading this are looking at their phone while in session.
On the flip side, you’ve hopefully had the experience of being fully heard with the other person responding verbally and non-verbally. Both feel wildly different.
What Is attunement in psychotherapy?
In psychotherapy, attunement isn’t only a skill, but a core element of effective psychotherapy
It fosters trust, psychological safety, and emotional healing in the therapeutic space
Attunement isn’t a one time thing - it’s an ongoing, dynamic process of aligning with the client’s emotional experience
Signs of strong therapist-client attunement:
clients feel seen, heard, and understood
emotional alignment promoting deeper exploration of issues
clients are able to name when something feels off - you’ve misunderstood them, etc
Barriers to attunement in psychotherapy
What gets in the way of being attuned?
Therapist burnout - healthcare providers who worked during peak COVID, I see you. I am you. I worked past my limit to support my patients and had months where I barely kept my head above water. I fantasized about doing anything else. Being a nail tech sounded luxurious.
Therapist distraction - life happens.
We all know this. My personal belief is that if you are a practicing clinician, you need to be in therapy yourself to work on your own shit. If you’re really distracted, take a day off. Take a week off.
Client reluctance - totally fair. Some client just don’t want to be there.
Connect with them in a way that:
a) feels good
b) helps them feel like they’ve accomplished something that session
Emotional dysregulation - we’ve all had off days, but I’m talking about extreme emotional dysregulation here.
Are basic needs being met?
Maybe we need to get back to basics before doing any deeper work.
Example of misattunement:
Misinterpreting emotions - ask instead of assuming
Rushing the therapeutic process - building trust and developing the therapeutic relationship takes time.
Being overly directive instead of emotionally dancing with the client.
Steps to increase attunement in psychotherapy
Cultivate presence in yourself
Practice mindfulness or grounding exercises, minimize distractions
With the client
Consider starting with a brief check-in to tune into the client’s emotional state
Focus on non-verbal communication
Maintain open and welcoming body language, match your tone and pace to the client’s, notice subtle cues like a foot tapping, hands wringing, changes in posture and energy
Reflect and validate
Paraphrase and reflect the client’s emotions without judgment (again, how do you need to take care of yourself before the session so you can fully show up?)
Use statements like, “It sounds like you’re feeling…” or “I can see how that would be difficult.” Statements to validate the client’s experience and show them that you really hear them.
Acknowledge and possibly name both verbal and non-verbal expressions of emotion
Stay curious and flexible
Ask open-ended questions that encourage deeper exploration
Adjust your approach based on the client’s needs in the moment
Stay open to shifts in the session’s direction as emotions unfold
Engage in self-attunement
Check in with your emotional state during sessions to make sure you’re grounded
Address your own biases or reactions through supervision or self-reflection
Regularly practice self-care to maintain energy and focus.
Foster a collaborative relationship
Invite the client to share feedback about the therapeutic process or how the session felt that day
Discuss their goals early in therapy and throughout the therapy
Trust that the client is the expert on their experience
Conclusion
Therapists: think about two ways that you can strengthen your attunement with clients
Tips:
Walking side by side from the waiting room to your office
Validating their emotions
Maintaining open posture and body language
Practicing active listening
Creating emotional and psychological safety from the beginning
Trusting that the client is the expert on their life and experience
Attunement is a shared journey of connection and growth.